Coping With Loss

After-life Connection

»Posted on Aug 16, 2009 in BLOG, Coping With Loss, Death Of Spouse, DROP DEAD LIFE, Sudden Death | 0 comments

I stretched out on the green velvet couch, my legs resting in Carlyn’s lap. My statue of Quan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion, hovered above us, on the fireplace mantle. Quan Yin was peaceful and wise—exactly what I strived to be—her stone arms out in front of her, her hands open wide. The light from the candles illuminated Carlyn’s long, curly brown hair. Her green eyes connected with mine. We were present, no lies between us, no false pretense. Carlyn spoke softly. “I keep seeing his face . . . Erik’s face.” I stared at her, blankly, and said nothing. “Over your shoulder, his eyes looking at me. Do you see him like that?” “No,” I told her. “I haven’t seen him or felt him since just a couple of weeks after...

read more

Pushing Through Grief

»Posted on Apr 28, 2009 in BLOG, Coping With Loss, DROP DEAD LIFE | 0 comments

How did the happiest day turn out to be the saddest day? How do I go there? How do I tell my story—our story—when I must feel so much pain to tell it completely? Sitting still long enough to write about it means acknowledging the ache, the low-grade hum of this relentless grief. It is a hurt I have never known. Yet how do I describe such pain without describing the happiness? Without that happiness, I would be left with nothing. I moved the girls to Florida, to be closer to my family. This house is mine, I think. This skin holds my body, but this body does not feel mine. To feel my body, this house, would be to feel reality and, this, I am afraid to do. Today, for the first time, I woke up looking for Erik next to me in my bed and, of course, he wasn’t...

read more