A Pregnant Widow’s Heartfelt & Often Comic Journey.

Grieving Daddy’s Death

»Posted on Apr 20, 2010 in BLOG, DROP DEAD LIFE, Parenting & Loss | 0 comments

Tatiana, my eight-year-old daughter, begins to cry. “Mom-my! I’m not talking to you. You are making me so sad.” Her curly blonde hair flies everywhere, as if being blown by a fan. She stomps into the bathroom, slams the door, and locks herself in. All morning, Tatiana has not been listening, and I’m fed up with having to repeat my words six times just to be heard. Deep breath, I tell myself. I call through the bathroom door, “Honey, come out here.” To my surprise, she twists the knob right away, but her sobs continue rising like a helicopter. “Come sit here.” Tatiana curls in my lap, making her lanky body compact. She blows her nose on her orange sunflower dress. “I know we’ve all had colds and that you’ve been...

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Easter’s Death Springs Renewal

»Posted on Apr 2, 2010 in BLOG, Dating For Widows, DROP DEAD LIFE | 0 comments

    My dad is Lutheran, my mom is Jewish. My childhood exposed me to traditions from both denominations, but I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as religious. Spiritual, yes. Religious, no. In fact, if there is a god, I’m still pretty pissed off at him. Today, though, I can’t help but contemplate the religious meaning in both Easter and Passover. Seven years ago, on Easter Sunday, my husband, Erik, and I admired our 17-month-old daughter, Tatiana, as she carefully grasped purple and pink polka-dotted eggs in the grass. “Do you think about how lucky we are,” I said to Erik. He rubbed my ripe, pregnant belly. “Yeah, I think about it at least five times a day.” Erik was a rising-star manager for Lucas Digital and I had...

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Sex with Dead Husband?

»Posted on Mar 26, 2010 in BLOG, Dating For Widows, Death Of Spouse, DROP DEAD LIFE, Sex For Widows, Sudden Death | 0 comments

  A friend of mine recently asked me, “Do you ever have sex with Evan and imagine, just for a moment, that you’re having sex with Erik instead?” Normal thing to wonder about a remarried widow, I suppose. Actually, I love that she asked me this. But the answer is NO. Never have I imagined, in the heat of passion, that Evan was Erik. I did, however, imagine that other men I dated were Erik. Of course I wanted them to be Erik. When you watch your 29-year-old husband slide down the kitchen counter and die, there is a certain amount of denial that comes along with the territory. Like staring at the door. Waiting for the knob to turn. Erik, you home? Nope. Not home. Or completely vacating your pregnant body because you cannot believe that you...

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Mommy Guilt: Widowed or Not

»Posted on Mar 2, 2010 in BLOG, DROP DEAD LIFE, Parenting & Loss | 0 comments

Guilt. Mommy guilt. Daddy died guilt. Always the guilt. Each morning, at 6 AM, Julian, 2, calls out, “Ma Ma. Ma Ma? Ma Ma,” and the race begins. Ugh! I shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Four kids, like newly hatched spiders, crawl up my skin. They nip at my arms, my shoulders, my feet, and I want to flick them off. I want five minutes, just five freaking minutes, to make my coffee, before I get them ready for school. “Clothes on, hair brushed, then come to the table for breakfast,” I command, but they continue to swarm, completely ignoring my orders. “Ewwwwwww!” Tatiana, 8, screams, as she holds her Hello Kitty toothbrush an inch from my swollen brown eyes. “Tati, WHAT are you doing?” “Mommy, Juju...

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DROP DEAD LIFE Gains Literary Interest

»Posted on Feb 21, 2010 in BLOG, DROP DEAD LIFE, My Writing Journey, Publicity, & Interviews | 0 comments

DROP DEAD LIFE, the blog, must make a shift. Despite my own insecurities as an intellectually under-stimulated mommy of four wild children, ages 2 through 12, my memoir, DROP DEAD LIFE, a pregnant widow’s poignant, heartfelt, and often comic journey through death, birth, and rebirth, has recently sparked enthusiastic literary agent interest. So, what this means, I imagine, is that my book will eventually end up in your local stores. Still difficult for me to believe, but it is going to happen. In other words, I can no longer post chapters-in-progress on my blog, for fear that you will not want to stand in line to purchase the actual book. A solution? Suggestions? The best I’ve come up with is to write about life, in the present. No longer will I...

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Sexual Tension Grows Between Ex-lovers

»Posted on Dec 5, 2009 in BLOG, Dating For Widows, DROP DEAD LIFE, Sex For Widows | 0 comments

Erik folded his hands beneath his black sweater, his thumbs fidgeting with the wool. “I know we’ re supposed to go to dinner,” he said, “But I don’t know if I can even eat right now.” I laughed. “What? Am I making you sick?” “No, no, not at all, it’s that . . . it’s just a lot, being with you.” Our break-up three years ago was the farthest thing from civil, and I knew, after not seeing eachother for all of that time, we were both uncertain of what we should do with the palpable sexual tension that now filled the two-foot gap between us on the couch. “I was just teasing. I know exactly what you mean. I didn’t think I would be so happy to be with you. Oh, wait, that came out...

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